Scratch Two Items Off the List

I probably shouldn't type when I am this mad and disappointed.  But, I am going to anyway.  You should probably skip reading the rest of this post.  I will be ranting.

We (Caroline, Ben and I) attempted to go to the First Grade Awards Celebration this afternoon, followed by the first grade party.  We had to leave.  Unfortunately, Ben picked today to be completely incapable of sitting still or being quiet (probably the 5:20am wakeup time kicking in).  I don't mean little shuffles or tiny boy noises, I mean literally crawling all over the classroom floor and screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOO"  at 100 decibels (<--- not an exaggeration) anytime I tried to talk/touch/move/quiet or him. with the other 20+  parents watching.

Since this movement and noise would have been the backdrop for the first graders trying to read their little stories to the audience, suffice to say, we spent the first 30 minutes of the party in the hallway. Someone came out to get me so I heard Abby's story (the second time she attempted to read it) and then Ben screamed again and we slunk out and came home. It made me feel slightly better than another parent had to slink out too with their small child, but not that much better.  I would have liked to stay with well-behaved children. 

So, at this very moment, I'm missing the slide show of her first grade year, the teacher talk about her "special talent", and also the little party afterwards.  I yelled at Ben, probably too harshly, and told him to go take a nap.  And he did.

Why does this matter?  Well, as much as I thoroughly enjoy housework and diapers, there are just not that many special moments to look forward to on a typical day. I really do try to find the joy and humor of parenting on a daily basis, and often I am successful.  But sometimes I am not.  Today, I just wanted to enjoy the few special minutes to hear her teacher say something nice about Abby and to just take a few minutes to appreciate how much she has grown over the past year and how special she is -- from her teacher's perspective. Then, I would get back to the laundry and dishes and cleaning and diapers and other tedious and mindless ****.

But, I missed it.  I feel like there is this ever-growing list of things that we've had to skip or are just too difficult to do because of the kids. I do really, really love them, of course, but it's like we've been in this limbo for 7.5 years now.  I'd really like to eat out at a restaurant with the family and not have it be messy, loud, and/or embarrassing.  I'd like to be able to get to a museum, pool, other other kid-friendly location and not have it be a toddler chase.  Or, I'd like to do something simple, like enjoy a school event for 45 minutes and actual be able to stay in the classroom and hear the teacher. 

From the other parents of three kids, supposedly there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and we'll be able to go places and do things and enjoy each other's company in a public setting at some point, maybe by next summer they say.  When Ben is 4.  That's the "breakthrough" year.  Unfortunately, that's a whole other year of waiting (hiding?) at the house.